Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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