I am puke
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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