Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
