I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
