Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
