Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
