i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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