Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Come on in and take your pants off
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