yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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