i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
