I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
