people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
