I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
