I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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