Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
