If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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