When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
