Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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