a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
COCAINE IS GR8
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
