Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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