im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
