Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
