He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
