I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
