Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
