Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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