I puked a lego.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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