i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Pooping to opera.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
