Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
