why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
