my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
