4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
