His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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