you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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