I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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