Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
