woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
