ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
