Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
