We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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