whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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