So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
