Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
