i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
