It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
