Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
