she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
