he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize