Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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