Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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