How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How does it feel to date your dad?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
