i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
