I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
