Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
