I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
