u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
