I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
