I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
