Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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