she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
