How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
