Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm passing your future prison.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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