You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
