I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
