mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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