Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
