I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
