that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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