There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize