bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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