Hey man sorry I got all grabby
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
