from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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